Just because we have a thought doesn’t mean we should share it. But then I did. Fuck it.
It is 6:00 AM on a Wednesday morning. No morning is like any morning for me, but it might as well be any other morning. I am listening to Tupac and Disturbed and drinking whiskey. I have been up all night… at least. It gets fuzzy at a certain point… chronologically fuzzy that is.
I haven’t been into Disturbed long, but it is the soundtrack of my life right now. Tupac has been the soundtrack for a much longer period and I listen to them about half and half. Sometimes I listen to other music but that is what I crave, what makes me feel what I want to feel from that which I am listening.
Yeah I typed “from what I am listening to” and then my catholic school brain ruler slapped itself and said “don’t end a sentence with a preposition.” I know anyone who would read a blog like this would be unlikely to care about such a thing but our brains brain what they want to brain.
I don’t need a reason to fight really. “Lost in your world of lies, I find it so hard to believe in you.” Can it be real this time? I have lost a lot of what I was taught from kindergarten to eighth grade, but there are some sticky bits in there.
Am I ready to begin? This seems to be my lifelong question. I feel like a very important part of a powerful machine, but not a part that can function independent of the others.
When I was a youngster I heard about the Zapatistas from watching RATM videos or somehow from Zach de la Rocha. Maybe I just saw his shirt and was like “EZLN, WTF?.” Somehow I looked into it and it was like some kind of revelation, that history is alive and people are doing things, those type of actions that put food on your table and only are obtained through the use of violence.
Didn’t we come from here? Violence still begets food, but now we don’t thanks the lives we take. I was not attracted to the violence, I was attracted to the passion and the strength. The simplicity and noncompliance nor conformity. Anyways, today I am going to Yucatan, Mexico. When I was a youngster (as I began earlier) I left the US to find my way to Chiapas. I didn’t speak Spanish, didn’t possess any particular skills nor did I have anything to offer in the form of MONEY. I just wanted to be there so badly. I made it all the way to Mexico City (then known as D.F.), Puebla, Teotihuacan, but I did not make it to Chiapas and now 20, 30, 25, whatever, years later, I still have not met a Zapatista nor have I made it to that southern part of Mexico. I still feel it in my veins and something connects me to them, and I will be closer than I have ever been before tomorrow morning, alas I will not be near Zapatista autonomous territory, the land I happily gave everything for, and never reached. I did make it back with my pennies and such, those didn’t really help me much in Mexico but I carried them to Mexico City and back.
Tomorrow I will be in Yucatan. This isn’t at all what I had in mind when I started writing/typing. Yay. 30 min blog. Got to get out of this house by 9 or so.
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