Me way before the trip: yeah lets go see your mom for 4-6 days or so but can we have one day to ourselves? Wife: oh yeah we will have the condo to ourselves (seeing as we already agreed to get an Airbnb and not stay WITH her mom ) and all the flight over while I am in excruciating pain it is “oh dont worry we will get there soon and have a place to ourselves … surprise! they rented out the condo and we are staying in a 6×8 with two beds a sink and a toilet with 3 people. I could sleep anywhere at that point until I was awoken by the loud sounds of ….. whatever her mom was doing. fine I didnt say anything but I thought I was petty clear that I was tolerating this with beer but they are completely unaware of my w=feelings…… not everyones just mine. or if they rant unaware they are over it, sick of it, past it, and that is th more likely I think. She said I ruined her trip and ruined her life . Or ruined her life and it was the worst trip ever. trust me it was worse for me.
anyways so yeah its ok If she sleeps on the couch of coarse right??? once we get to the condo. So either im the asshole kicking her mom out or I accept that what I was told before meant nothing. I told her I didnt need to go on this trip, that im in pain, that I will be a burden. I cant be a burden if they dont care, so they do care somewhat, but not so much that I have actually been a burden, if anything thy convince me to go places because it makes them feel better. of coarse I wanted to go to the xenotes but as my wife knows I dont like being woken up abruptly and surprisingly, like her mom bursting into our room while we are sleeping with the door closed and just talking and talking super loud. and when I get upset because as my wife knows that is how I react in that situation, them all my wife has to say is ” you have a loud voice” she is referring to the fact that the night before or before that I had been talking to my wife in th middle of the night for like 5 mins before her mom as complaining on th couch of our noise. I go in the room , asked to shut the door, shut th door, and im still asked to be quieter. but I get woken open by her bursting into our room and it upsets me and all my wife has to say is “you have already said that ” and ” you have a loud voice….” YOU SHOULD HEAR MY SUEGRAS VOICe!!!! IM LOUD BUT GOD DAMNIT IF SHE ISNT AT LEAST AS LOUD AND THATS JUST BEING GENEROUS!!!!!!!! we all have our own perception of “Loud” and what not. its nost just the decibels. its about the feeling behind it. I dont feel respected even though I feel like I try as hard as I can 5o make this as good of a trip with her mom as possible, and maybe get 5 mins with my wife. It may be the last good 5 minutes we get………..
Am I holding my breath for what I was promised? A day, an afternoon, hell a walk down the beach with my wife? I hinted that we could spend the rest oof the evening together, it was almost dark, and we were already at here moms house so we could leave her there and pick her up in the morning so we could spend some time together. she gave me a yeah yeah shhhh I already know kinda gesture but thats my interpretation. either way lines of communication were not open and I have been trying to get this message across long enough that if she didnt get it… she gets it.
dont forget. you have made mistakes, bad ones, but you don’t deserve this and she isn’t happy so why keep something like that going. if for some reason I think she is happy then I will o anything to make her happy but I won’t do anthing to pretend to make her happy. Thats stupid. If either one of us has a chance of happiness we both deserve it…. even if only one of us gets it… actually even if neither gets it but we still tried for happiness instead of settling for something seemingly easier and keep lying to ourselves and each other until some big event… and we area always ticking time bombs, my wife and I. Maybe we can go on a walk together tonight, that would be lovely…
Tick tok tick tock tick tock ………. tick tick tick tick tick
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