I hate the name “Latin America”. I came here because I had something to say… I guess I could say I have a “FRIEND’ when I was mainly in my teens who used to take me to Mexico. She would take me around and we would do whatever, like everyone I would be in Mexico with, but one time I fell asleep in her car after she gave me some “cinquo quartos” 54’s which I believe are a benzodiazepine but also I believe thy are related to rohypnol which I cant remember I felt like it was a Benzo. point being I was taking these pills with my mouth stained with blue (so they cant be used for date rape) and I passed out in her car. she woke me up, upset. “Don’t you know why I bring you to Mexico with me”? I’m sure I said “Cause we’re friends”? I dont recall registering any response but at this point I imagine a “seriously?” face. I was there to keep her company, because I should be lucky to go with her, because she wanted to look like she had someone on a leash from the US that she dosesn’t fuck but is there for her constantly and makes her look interesting. I was there because driving down by herself was boring. That was the girl I was obsessed with for years, I would leave school and go to my car, telling myself, crying, tell her how you fell, tel her you love her. I would be going to her house and would call her and she would play me like a fiddle. She would tell me ” call me wh en you wake up” call me when you get out call me this and that and it was the most amazing thing that ever happened in my life. for a girl to want me to call her it was like I was so in love. I obviously wasn’t in love, I mean infatuated or whatever but she just liked the security. we wouldn’t even talk much when we hung out that I remember. we would smoke weed and watch tv and it was so amazing to me, but I was drunk on some fantasy or whatever. she might have led me on a bit but it was mainly just my misunderstanding of how people work I think. we cuddled the first night we spent togther and id imagine she was willing to go farther… hell so was I but I have these ideas in my head. I assume I was thinking “cuddling with this amazing giril/??? this is awesome what a great possible start to something!” and she was just like “yo this guy must be gay he’s not doing anything BUT cuddling with me. ” and that was it for that. but for many years later I would come bak and the second I was back I would want to be at her house, and we would spend every second together essentially… but she never wanted to talk to me while I was gone. hell she didnt want to talk to me while I was there. I was just there for her. I think no one else was there for her like that ever they used her and she didnt value herself and I valued her so much well it never would have worked at that time I dont think. IF we had slept together I THIK MY heart would have been broken in ways I have never experienced and probably can not tolerate so , as Garth says, some of of gods greatest gifts are unansw2ered prayers
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